Names are so important in life, but at the same time, they don't really matter because they ARE arbitrary. My wife and I are struggling to find names that might communicate the perceived possibility of our baby. Of course we have no real idea what this child will become, but being first-time parents, we want to positively influence our oldest child to be the coolest, smartest, etc that they can.
I've been told and heard that this radically changes with a second and subsequent children. Being a second/middle child, I understand why and how this occurs, yet I am not immune to my psychology's attempt to determine the need for us to choose THE perfect name for our son.
Furthermore, being a student of semiotics and cultural studies, so many different and competing drives enter the equation. I want to choose a name that will give my son some gender fluidity because I don't want to force hegemonic (yeah, I used that word, whatcha gonna say about it?) masculine ideals on him, say "Hank" or "Dick". At the same time, knowing the strength of power in culture, I do not want to be too out there and leave them open to painful and potentially scarring him by the years of jeers and beatings that my sons will probably be subject to just by the fact that they have me for a father, say "Claire" or "Rene".
In addition to gender distinctions, there are obvious ethnic, racial, and ideological influences. We want to communicate our faith and family backgrounds but do not want to force that on our child but would prefer that they express that interest as a choice.
This does not really represent a wholly intellectual pursuit either. We also want to have a pleasant aesthetic sense in a name that will will probably end up calling and saying and yelling for the rest of our lives.
All of this rigamoral of discussion is just to say: If you have suggestions of guides or names that would fulfill all of these criteria, then I am open to suggestions.
2 comments:
Stevie, I respect you and have long thought of you as one of my smartest friends - probably one of the smartest people I know - but I'm afraid all them brains is making you lose your mind.
I think your child will certainly appreciate that you were thoughtful about choosing his name, but it may be possible to overthink this one - inasmuch as you don't want, by trying to avoid names with undesirable "agendas," to end up choosing a name that still has an agenda.
Believe me, I understand your concerns, but they seem rather to contradict the idea that names are arbitrary - at least, they clearly aren't arbitrary from any perspective relevant to everyday living. But it's also true that a name is not a fate. If it necessarily carries some meaning along with it, than be proactive rather than defensive. A name can be a promise, a hope for your child that expresses your love for and commitment to him.
I've begun reading Terry Eagleton's After Theory, in which he calls cultural theory to task for excluding, a priori, concepts and values that affirm social norms, unity, authority, and such-like necessary for effective social change. He argues that much cultural critique has become irrelevant because it spends its time fighting straw enemies with burned-out torches.
The point is that you have to affirm something if your actions are to have any substance. I see nothing contradictory in naming and raising a child within one's values and faith tradition and also desiring them to internalize those things and choose them on their own. I see more contradiction in people who would raise their children with no structures and then expect them to choose anything. You are both intelligent, thoughtful people, and will likely be the same as parents. Your son will want to know, and to feel, that his name and his upbringing reflect real care and love for him, which will necessarily mean choosing some values over others, at the risk of making a mistake. My understanding is that parents are strange creatures who tend to err despite themselves, but surely they are more successful who err not from anxiety but from love.
I like Gabriel. He is the patron saint of broadcasters and communicators. You could go with Gabriel David. Very biblical.
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